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Powerball


Argh…I guess the CTLottery website says it best:

The $340 million Powerball Jackpot was WON on 1 ticket sold in Oregon for the Oct. 19, 2005 Powerball drawing. There were 286,175 winning tickets sold in CT!

This means that some lucky dude in Oregon is having what can only be…the best day of his life. Let’s see…lump sum payout option brings it down to 170 million. A nice third of that to the IRS, and you’ve still got around 114 million to roll around in, light cigars with, and generally throw around town like some kinda new-wave mobster.

Though not a lottery player myself, I have to admit being sucked in. I don’t know why 340 million was somehow more tempting than 100 million, but it was. I had to have the guy at the liquor store teach me how to play, in fact. I pulled five quick-pick numbers, and waited.

Listen, I checked the odds on the CT Lottery website. My chances of winning where somewhere around 1 in 245 million. It didn’t stop me from thinking though. Spending the hours leading up to the drawing wondering just how I would spend my money. First, I would give the guy who taught me how to play 2 million bucks. Right off the top. Then, of course, my entire family gets set up so they never have to work again. Buy an island? Pay to acquire a citizenship in some far-flung country? Stay right here in New Haven and buy every house in East Rock, so I don’t have any strangers too close to me? That jackpot was enough money to not only ensure that you never had to work again…it was enough to change the entire history of your entire family from that point on. After my Powerball win, “Bedell” would mean aristocracy. Even if it IS unearned, NEW aristocracy. For generations to come we could all just…sit back. Which is truly what we like best. It’s impossible to make plans, to really wrap your head around money like that. It must be terribly confusing.

So, in the interest of helping my fellow man, I would like to offer my advice to that fellow in Oregon for how to spend his first morning as a multi-millionaire. First, sit down to a nice breakfast. You’ve got a big day ahead of you, buddy. I recommend two soft boiled eggs and a plate piled high with toast soldiers. Stretch, relax, breathe. Go to the lottery office, and try not to attract attention to yourself. Finally, consider murdering a hobo. It will be the first demonstration to the world that you can do whatever the hell you please from now on, because you’re sittin’ on 100 million plus. Happy Thursday!

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