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News Flash: Whitney Houston is a Damned Mess

Whitney HoustonSo the National Enquirer (the only news source I put any stock in) is reporting that pop diva/crack addict Whitney Houston has taken a suprising turn for the worse. According to Bobby Brown’s sister, Whitney spends weeks at a time holed up in crack dens and is living in utter squalor. She also claims that Houston spends days locked in her bedroom smoking rock and playing with sex toys amid piles of festering garbage, all the while mumbling about “evil apparitions” and “demons.”

“She’ll point to the floor and say, ‘See that demon. I’m telling you somebody’s messing with Bobby’. She always thinks it’s something to do with Bobby. She breaks everything – mirrors, phones, cabinets, appliances.”

Think about how superhuman Bobby Brown’s dark powers must be, to take one of our generation’s greatest singers and turn her into a babbling, slobbering mess. Awe, don’t be sore, Bobby, I’m sure it’s not your fault. Here, I’ve even pulled together some before and after pictures, to prove things haven’t gotten any worse for Whitney since getting mixed up with a charmer like yourself:



Whitney, I’m convinced that your transformation from a beautiful, sweet-voiced, fresh-faced little thing who wears foil hats and lives in a gauzy pink room, to a matted-fur wearing chickenhead clutching a pack of smokes and a random dude in a deli would have happened all on its own.

There Are 4 Responses So Far. »

  1. OOOOhhh mmmmyy godd …. horrible , i used to be a huge idol but not anymore , i wouldnt want my kids to turn upo like that .

  2. eu sou do brasil , sou apaixonado pela WHITNEY HOUSTON , ela é uma diva !!por favor salve aWhitney Houston , BRAZIL I LOVE WHITNEY HOUSTON

  3. people use to say that i look just like you but though you’ve had it hard I’m very happy for you divorce and in the near futur i hope to meet you

  4. whitney i am still in love even thought you are addicted to drugs i still love you and care for you you just need a little help and you be ok, god can work anything out, just have a little faith in everything you go through.

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