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Creative Taxpayer

The following is reprinted without permission from an email forward from my dad, who usually limits his email correspondance to either pro-gun lobbying or weirdness from the extreme right. Some of it is good, some of it is so crazy it makes your head hurt. This particular forward, though, carried a good message that we tend to forget all too often: That we fork over far, far too much of our hard-earned income to the feds, who use it to buy each other off and wage questionable wars. One thing’s for certain: nothing gets your message across like putting your politcal message in 18 point purple Comic Sans (which I have removed in my excerpt below):

Dear IRS,

Enclosed is my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from USA Today, wherein you will see the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat. I am enclosing four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029), bringing my total remitted to $3429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the “Presidential Election Fund,” as noted on my return.
You can do this inexpensively by sending them one 1.5″ Phillips Head screw (article from USA Today detailing how HUD pays $22.00 each for 1.5″ Phillips Head Screws is enclosed for your convenience.)

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer

TODAYS TAXES

  • Accounts Receivable Tax
  • Building Permit Tax
  • Capital Gains Tax
  • CDL License Tax
  • Cigarette Tax
  • Corporate Income Tax
  • Court Fines (indirect taxes)
  • Dog License Tax
  • Federal Income Tax
  • Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
  • Fishing License Tax
  • Food License Tax
  • Fuel permit tax
  • Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
  • Hunting License Tax
  • Inheritance Tax Interest Expense (tax on the money THEY paid tax on already)
  • Inventory tax
  • IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
  • IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
  • Liquor Tax
  • Local Income Tax
  • Luxury Taxes
  • Marriage License Tax
  • Medicare Tax
  • Property Tax
  • Real Estate Tax
  • Septic Permit Tax
  • Service ! Charge Taxes
  • Social Security Tax
  • Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
  • Sales Taxes
  • Recreational Vehicle Tax
  • Road Toll Booth Taxes
  • School Tax
  • State Income Tax
  • State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
  • Telephone Federal Excise tax
  • Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
  • Telephone Federal , State and Local Surcharge Taxes
  • Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
  • Telephone Recurring and Non-Recurring Charges Tax
  • Telephone State and Local Tax
  • Telephone Usage Charge Tax
  • Toll Bridge Taxes
  • Toll Tunnel Taxes
  • Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
  • Trailer Registration Tax
  • Utility Taxes
  • Vehicle License Registration Tax
  • Vehicle Sales Tax
  • Watercraft Registration Tax
  • Well Permit Tax
  • Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS:
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What the hell happened?

If anyone knows where this email originated, I’d love to hear from you! (Thanks, Dad!)

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