Meet Prosper, the site that is stripping banks and credit card companies of all their power, and putting it squarely in the hands of the people. The concept is simple. Your credit report provides only a number, not a full profile of the kind of borrower you are, and the true likelihood that you will pay back a loan. Instead, potential borrowers post their credit score, which is generated by the site, in addition to full contact information, requested loan amount, interest rate they are willing to pay, and a short narrative describing how the funds will be used. Then, members of the community "bid" on that loan, in small amounts. For example, someone may request a $1,000 loan, and be willing to pay a 10% interest rate. Ten people each bid $100 dollars on that loan, and then equally share the 10% interest rate.

This provides an amazing opportunity for people on both sides. Borrowers can appeal to the heart of the community, and aren't simply stuck with a label, like "high risk" or "bankruptcy." Lenders can invest in the site's members through a series of micro-loans, and enjoy a much higher return than they would in, say, the stock market.

Sound like a big scam? It's not. In fact, the rate of default on loans made through the Prosper system is exactly the same as that made through traditional channels, with the difference being that you can spread your risk out over many micro-loans. For example, if you make 100 loans to B-rated borrowers at 8%, and B-rated borrowers have an expected default rate of 1.8%, then you might have 2 borrowers default, which would lower your return by 2%. After annual lending fees of 0.5%, this would give you an annual 5.5% return overall.

Prosper.com represents the new generation of lenders. Peer-to-peer loans are low risk, high return for lenders, and a great way for ordinary people to get the money they need to start a business. In the future, there won't be the same kind of large-scale lending institutions...not when the people are taking matters into their own hands. Check out Prosper.com right now!

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Posted by Malcolm at 05:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tired of skateboarding? Snowboarding leaving you cold (ha)? Looking for a fun new way to get a debilitating spinal injury that will leave you unable to ever walk again? Meet the Scarpar. This machine, though not yet released, is built like a snowboard, with one major difference: the two gigantic tank treads on each end. Reaching speeds of up to 50 miles an hour on its 80cc engine, this all-terrain board can go over obstacles, up steep grades, and across stumps in the woods.

Pricing is not yet available, but the site stresses that this is not a toy, and won't be priced as one. The inventors plan to sell through ATV or snomobile dealerships nationwide, beginning sometime this year.

The video is amazing, and zooming down dirt roads looks like a blast. But I can't help but notice that all the obstacle-climbing footage is done at slow speeds. What happens if you hit a large rock, or worse yet, a tree branch, the front end wedges up underneath it, and you go cartwheeling into space (and more importantly, asphalt)? I guess that's what the crash helmet is for. And really, who am I kidding? There's no way I won't be ripping down the beach on one of these, the day they are available.

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Posted by Malcolm at 06:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

So after champs, wings, and skeeball at a weird travelling carnival sandwiched between the OTB and a water treatment plant, Jillian ALMOST had me convinced that no one was coming to hang out with us on the night of my birthday. That is, until she stopped in front of Richter's, and casually suggested we stop off for a pint. It was there I was greeted by our friends, all cheerfully clinking half-yards and smiling. Antics ensued...including fantastic presents, cake, and more half-yards. Because all that is right with the world begins and ends at Richter's.

Reflecting on 28 with my two friends.


Does Maggie drink the beer...or does the beer drink Maggie?


What's better than a barful of strangers singing "Happy Birthday" to you?


Who gets a little huggy?

It was a fantastic evening everybody...thank you all so much.

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Posted by Malcolm at 09:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ever find yourself picking a fight with a company's customer service department for no reason whatsoever? I joined Stamps.com about a year ago. Their "service" allows you to print postage directly from your computer, the privilege of which costs $15.99 per month in addition to the postage fees, themselves. After about 6 months, I realized that I had yet to print a single stamp. So, during one of my sweeps to plug holes in the ol' bank account, I decided to cancel. I emailed six months ago, and requested that my account be canceled, and received a response saying that I would need to CALL in order to cancel my account.

Now, I don't fucking call people.

So for some reason, I decided that was ridiculous and I would not call them. So, the next month, they attempted to charge my bank account again, but it was an account I no longer used and was empty, so the charge failed. I again politely requested that my account be cancelled, and again, I was told to call. No.

The next month? Same thing. I wrote again, requesting that my account be cancelled, and not to tell me to call, and that the fee would continue to bounce. The month after that? Repeat. By this time, I had closed the bank account, and said so. I was told to call to cancel my account, but I refer you again to my main point. I don't call. This is the Internet, people, this is 21st century business; there is no reason for me to call anyone, ever.

This went on for six months, until it all came to a head yesterday, when my account was successfully cancelled via email "as a courtesy." Enjoy the following email correspondence, and laugh as I am passed from "The Stamps.com Team" to Susan, to Colton, to Clarissa, and then back to "The Team." And as you read, remember...I have no idea why I am doing this. Read the transcript, after the jump.

From: Stamps.com Account Support [mailto:accounts@stamps.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:27 AM
Subject: Stamps.com Service Cancellation Request

Dear Malcolm,

We are sorry to see you go! Your request to close your Stamps.com account has been processed and
your service has been discontinued as of 05-25-2006.

A final account statement will be emailed to you, which may include this month's service fees. If you signed up for a trial and are closing your account within the trial period, you will not be charged any service fees.

Sincerely,
Stamps.com Account Support Team

As promised, I got an account statement after this saying that I owed them $63 dollars for the last six month's failed billing attempts. Oh, hell no.

From: Malcolm
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 11:34 AM

This is ridiculous. I have been begging you to cancel this account for six months. I have never even used your service, which means I think that over the last year, you have pulled more than your fair share of monthly account fees out of me. This final $68 fee is ridiculous, and it needs to be waived.

Seems fair, no? I guess not.

From: Accounts [mailto:accounts@stamps.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 12:08 PM
Subject: RE: Stamps.com Service Cancellation Request (KMM4659965V73088L0KM)

Hello,

Thank you for choosing Stamps.com.

We are sorry to hear that you have not been utilizing the services and features available with your Stamps.com account. However, the service fee applied to your account is a flat rate monthly fee that is not usage based.

All open Stamps.com accounts are assessed a monthly service fee as agreed upon in the terms and conditions of our Service Agreement. Our billing policy is clearly stated in the Service Agreement which all customers are required to read and agree to prior to opening an account. This information is also presented during the registration process and reiterated in the Welcome Email we send all customers immediately upon opening an account.

Sincerely,

Susan
Customer Care Specialist
Stamps.com Internet Postage

I'm sorry Susan, but it's officially ON.

From: Malcolm
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 12:10PM

Look, you cancelled my account via email today "as a courtesy." If that is the case, then why wasn't this simply done six months ago, when I first asked, or any month after, when I asked again and again? This $63 charge is simply not valid, since YOU made the decision not to honor my cancellation requests over the last six months. This final charge needs to be waived, so we can both get on with our lives.

Susan doesn't know what to say about this. So, Colton steps in.

From: Accounts [mailto:accounts@stamps.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 12:57 PM
To: Malcolm
Subject: RE: Stamps.com Service Cancellation Request (KMM4660175V75811L0KM)

Hello Malcolm,

Thank you for contacting Stamps.com. Unfortunately we cannot waive or credit the service fees on your account because all service fees are valid per the Stamps.com Terms & Conditions.As stated in the Stamps.com Terms and Conditions of Service, all account cancellation requests must be submitted to our Customer Support department by telephone. Our cancellation policy is in place to ensure the security and privacy of your personal and financial information.

Below is the relevant excerpt from our Terms and Conditions document:

"Stamps.com shall immediately cancel your account after you call Stamps.com customer support at 1-888-434-0055, Monday - Friday, 6 am - 6pm (PST) and verify your account information. An open account is billed once per billing cycle/month. When your monthly service plan is terminated, we bill for the entire final month."

Respectfully,

Colton
Customer Care Specialist
Stamps.com Internet Postage

Colton, you rascal, don't you DARE quote Terms and Conditions to me. I won't stand for it, and I step things up.

From: Malcolm
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 1:06PM

Well, I guess we've said all there is to say, at this point. For your records: I am disputing the validity of these charges. I will not be paying them. In fact, I will declare bankruptcy and live in a cardboard box before I pay you this $63 dollars. I wish you the best of luck in your collection attempts. Thanks.

Colton is baffled, and Clarissa steps in, several hours later:

From: Accounts [mailto:accounts@stamps.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 5:07 PM
To: Malcolm
Subject: RE: Stamps.com Service Cancellation Request (KMM4660827V91131L0KM)

Hello Malcom,

If you feel it necessary to dispute valid fees to which you agreed to, we would gladly cooperate with your financial institution or any authorized investigative body to establish the validity of any fees in contention.

Regards,

Clarissa
Customer Care Specialist
Stamps.com Internet Postage

You've gotta be kidding me. I take this as a customer service passive-aggressive punch in the face. Also, Clarissa, you spelled my name wrong, whore. It's time to wrap this up with a knockout punch.

From: Malcolm
Sent: Thursday, May 25, 2006 6:06PM

No need. I will simply ignore any further correspondence or collection attempts. You get to not bend on a nonsense policy, even after I have paid Stamps.com hundreds of dollars for not one penny's worth of service, and even after ignored, repeated cancellation attempts, and I get to not send you $63 dollars. Everybody wins. In fact, I am pulling $63 crisp dollar bills out of my wallet right now and throwing them out the window.

kthxbye

BOOM! That should do it, right? But oh no...Stamps.com gets the last word, with a final message from "the team":

From: Accounts [mailto:accounts@stamps.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2006 11:04AM
To: Malcolm
Subject: RE: Stamps.com Service Cancellation Request (KMM4660827V91131L0KM)

Hello Malcolm,

Thank you for contacting Stamps.com.

We have thoroughly researched your account and have comprehensively communicated our policies as well as all possible courses of action available with regard to this issue. The absolute resolution to this matter has been reached and explained in detail in our previous correspondence. There are no further avenues of action available on our part with regard to this issue.

If you have any additional information regarding this matter that was not previously presented or if you have a different issue you would like us to address, please let us know so we may be of assistance.

Sincerely,

The Customer Support Team
Stamps.com Internet Postage

And that's it, then. I felt no need to respond, but you had better believe that they will never get that $63 dollars. I had a lot of fun taking a trivial stand against nothing and being really mean for no reason on my birthday, but I'd also like to remind everyone not to be mean to CS representatives. They are minimum wage slaves who get crapped on all day, and it's not nice to make their lives any more miserable. Except for Clarissa, be mean to her, because she's a whore.

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Posted by Malcolm at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

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Posted by Malcolm at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Sigh. Well, it's got Nicholas Cage, which I guess could be considered a good thing in some circles. But I really think the special effects used to create a motorcycle riding demon from hell should be well done enough that I crap my pants, not start looking for my Playstation controller. Don't get me wrong, I will see this movie next February, in part because of my duty to try and keep Marvel's stock (MVL) from slipping any more, and in part because I would watch a movie where all Eva Mendes did was read a newspaper. Because, as Jillian points out, "she's outrageous looking," and therefore compels me to sit through Hitch.

But man, Marvel...I dunno. Spiderman and X-Men may truly be the only characters in your roster than can translate to the big screen.

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Posted by Malcolm at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Holy Christmas, just when I thought it wasn't possible for me to want a dog any more, German company "Intimsport" drops this little hand grenade of kickass. Man, this SO beats a briefcase, and makes for exactly the kind of businessman I want to be.

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Posted by Malcolm at 05:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Memorial Day is just around the corner. Here's what I'm not doing to get ready for it.

1. I am not walking down Clinton Street with a shopping cart full of kegs of beer, with Matt pushing and me running next to it, Secret Service Style.
2. I am not frantically cleaning the house and prepping the MAME cabinet for tons of people to be playing it.
3. I am not elbows deep in a bucket of 112 deviled eggs.
4. I am not ordering 75 pounds of meat on FreshDirect.
5. I am not Photoshopping together an awesome flyer, as below




And why not? Because I don't live in Brooklyn anymore, I don't have a backyard, my Hetero Life Partner is working overseas, and grilling by myself on a fire escape would be godamned depressing. It was a great couple of years, but I guess these things come to an end sooner or later. It just means an opportunity to start NEW traditions. Here's some pictures of the best barbecues ever, in memorium:

















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Posted by Malcolm at 01:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What if The 10 Commandments had been a teen comedy? In this expert video mashup, the Yul Brynner/Charleton Heston vehicle gets completely re-envisioned, with spot-on voice work and a snappy soundtrack. Also, it's a real delight to see Samuel L. Jackson reborn as a source of total hilarity and self parody.

Man, I love it when a concept goes right. Compare this to the Fight Club video I wrote about a few days ago, and you'll see it's true. Production values make all the difference between a good and a great mash.(via BoingBoing)

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Posted by Malcolm at 06:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Enough tiptoeing around the issue. I'm going to come right out and say it. Stouffer's brand Macaroni & Beef with Tomatoes is the best godamned frozen dinner you can ever eat. All right, naysayers, I hear what you're saying, with your protests of Hungry Man XXL "Backyard BBQ," and Kid Cuisine "Fiesta Beef Taco Dippers," but no. You're wrong. Stouffer's hearty mix of tomatoes, beef, and elbow macaroni is the only acceptable thing that could ever come out of your microwave. Ready in just six and a half minutes, and weighing it at only 330 calories and 700,000 grams of sodium, this one is a delight to all the senses.

On the surface, this may look like that "American Chop Suey" made-up food that used to get ice cream-scooped onto your tray in the fourth grade. But it's not, and I dare you to try and make it from scratch. It can't be accomplished. "Oh, but Malcolm, you can just mix some hamburger into a box of macaroni and cheese!" To you I say, "Ha, ha, and ha, jackass." You think I wouldn't have tried that? It's not the same thing, not by a long shot. I've looked at the attempted recipe knockoffs online. I've even tried buying every item on the ingredient list (except, of course, for the dextrose and cultured whey), in an effort to bulk-replicate the results found in this tiny plastic tray. But no. There is no replicating this food magic, this mix of flavors, the zip of the tomatoes, the hearty chunks of beef. I like to microwave mine a little too long, so I get a nice crust around the rim. Mix in some red pepper flakes, crack a Miller High Life, and you have got a delicious ten minutes in front of you.

So readers, I urge you. Always, always, always have at least two boxes on hand. Why two? Well, silly, if you only have one, then you will never eat it. Because if you eat it, it will be gone. And then you won't be able to eat it. It is important to always keep a backup box in the freezer. You can even write "For Emergency Use Only" on it in black Sharpie, but that's just me. Just get some, and know what it's like to find bliss in a tiny red box.

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Posted by Malcolm at 05:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Look, you know that Firefox is the superior browser, with its full suite of amazing, productivity-adding plugins, proper rendering of pages, and powerful protection against spyware and popups. By now, millions of people have certainly heard of Firefox, and may be ready to make the switch...all they need is a gentle push. That's where Explorer Destroyer comes in, and demands that you get serious about switching your users. As explained on their site, your goal should be to get your IE surfers under 50%, for their own good and the good of the Web. And now that Google is offering a $1 bounty for each user switched, it can be quite profitable, as well.

Explorer Destroyer offers several scripts you can install on your page, with increasing levels of aggressiveness. At level one, IE users see a gentle message (demo) across the top of the screen encouraging them to download Firefox. At level two, IE users will get hit with a splash page (demo) encouraging users to download Firefox, with a click through to your main home page. And at level three, things really get gnarly...blocking IE visitors altogether. Of course, your Google Adsense link is built into each Firefox download link.

All in all, Explorer Destroyer looks like a great way to encourage your users to switch, while making you a little scratch at the same time. Who knows, we may even try it for a few days on this site, just to see what happens. Although, our stats show that we are already "under 50%," so it looks like our visitors are fighting the good fight already.

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Posted by Malcolm at 01:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

One of the most interesting things that's happened since Jillian began her career as hostess at the hottest restaurant in town, with her new friends, neon lights, cosmopolitans, and fabulousness, is that I am spending a lot of time by myself. We work completely opposite hours, now, with her heading off to work at about the time I am getting done, at night. And though I have never been a fan of going to bars solo, I find that when 11:00 at night comes around, and boredom sets in, it is something I am doing more and more. Many of the problems I had with drinking solo (feigning interest in the game on the TV, staring straight ahead, looking only at your reflection in the bar mirror) have gone away, however, with my recent trips to Christopher Martin's.

I don't love Christopher Martin's. The scene? Generic bar, carved into a commercial space on State street. The crowd? Meatheady New Haven dudes, shouting, wet, and too drunk. The bartenders? Friendly as all hell, but no buybacks. But what sets Christopher Martin's apart, is it seems to be a bar where a LOT of people go by themselves. Indeed, you can go there by yourself, but you won't be by yourself for long. The fella next to you will engage you in conversation after only a few moments of size-up time...fake knowledge in the Barry Bonds home run breaking record, and you're in. And you probably have a friend for life...or at least, for the duration of your sit. I also discovered the wonderfully deadly combination of Black Label on the rocks with a Stella back...perfectly refreshing, $10 a round (god bless New Haven bar prices), and two is enough to do you.

But the best part of my solo bar-crawling has been the unexpectedly pleasurable experience of walking into a bar, dead sober, late at night. It is only under those circumstances that you can truly appreciate the tiny dramas that are playing out through the entire room. Like tonight, for instance, when there was a tiny Mexican (who, rumor had it, used to be a busboy at Dempsey's), who was asking strangers in broken Spanish if they would buy him another beer after the bartender had cut him off. This little fella was the kind of late-night bar treasure everyone loves, but few are sober enough to remember. Walking around, incomprehensible, the sad delight of everyone in the room. And, friends, that is not the kind of thing you notice if you've been in the bar since 5PM with the rest of the patrons. It only makes sense and takes a special place in your heart if you are witnessing it dead sober, late (for this town) as it may be.

Bars are special places, and are completely different based on what state you choose to enter them in, the crowd you are with (if any), and how long you choose to stay. I think if I ever fall into full blown alcoholism, which is inevitable with my DNA, one of the biggest problems I will have is that I really genuinely like drinkers. A bunch of guys, sitting around a public space, all running from something or someone...and, thanks to the alcohol, not too shy to say hello to a sympathetic ear. Though I got over my Bukowski phase a long, long time ago, there is a certain honesty here...one that will keep me coming back, alone or in groups, for a long, long time.

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Posted by Malcolm at 11:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can Fight Club be remixed into a romantic comedy, with the use of a voiceover and some smooth R&B? You'd better believe it can. I wish the narrator's voice was done a little better, but it is still a solid premise that just needs to be executed a little more slickly. Dig:

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Posted by Malcolm at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Blind item: Which son of a prominent New Haven political figure was unceremoniously removed from a certain trans-Asian restaurant late Saturday night for disorderly conduct? My sources tell me the lanky lad was handed his hat upon throwing a rocks glass and becoming petulant, obstinant, and rather an ass. I wonder, Mr. D, does it concern you more that your boy is a boozer, or that it's rumored he's queer as a two dollar bill?

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Posted by Jillian at 01:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When I was a kid, you were my mom, but not at the expense of being my friend. Now, you are my friend, but not at the expense of being my mom. You raised me up, tried your hardest, and now I try my hardest to make you proud of the work that you did. Happy Mother's Day, mama...I love you.

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Posted by Malcolm at 09:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Currently for sale on eBay: An original comic propaganda poster, that encouraged Microsoft bug testers to be vigilant in their task. This is not a reprint, but is the original poster that hung in the Redmond offices. It's bizarre, incomprehensible, and a wonderful snapshot of how peculiar a giant corporation can be in their employee motivation attempts. This has hung proudly in my office for the last six years or so...now is your chance to own it!

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Posted by Malcolm at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

New Haven has almost everything you could look for in a small, college town. Fine bookstores, shopping, architecture, and a generally liberal, laid-back attitude, free of pretension. But until now, New Haven's proximity to NYC has been one of the best things this town had going for it, since a journey into the city was necessary if you wanted to get a decent meal. Sure, there have been attempts, but places like Roomba, Bentara, and Scoozi tend to be overpriced and wildly overrated.

With the opening of Kudeta, at 27 Temple Street, everything changes. Built into the hulking undercarriage of a giant concrete parking structure, the designers of this restaurant space used every single element to its full advantage. What should be cold, grey concrete is transformed by swooping red arcs of canvas awning, resulting in a truly striking combination. And this attention to design carries through the entire house. Cold, faux-rusted steel beams are brightened and warmed by intricate cut-outs in their surface, where twinkling LEDs slowly change color, and giant, canvas and straw covered panels mask the otherwise industrial pipe-and-conduit ceiling. Once inside the restaurant, there is a cozy full service bar in the back, serving potent cocktails, while the dining space is highlighted by floor-to-ceiling glass columns filled with butterflies. To sit at a table in Kudeta is to completely forget where you are, as you become enveloped by a sort of Blade Runner-type vision of the future, where concrete meets Eastern grace and subtle changes in light become hypnotic.

This alone makes Kudeta well worth the visit, but the experience doesn't stop at the atmosphere. The cuisine, which Kudeta terms "trans-Asian" due to its Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, and Indian influences, perfectly matches the interior of the restaurant in terms of style. Main courses average $17-$22 dollars, and are simply exquisite in both flavor and presentation. I cannot recommend the "Indonesian Rendang Beef" highly enough, with its heady mix of curry, snow peas, and carrots, that exceeds all expectations. Indeed, on the whole, it will take many, may repeat visits to Kudeta in order to sample all of the menu items that caught my interest.

In addition to incredible design and delicious food, the service at Kudeta is also spot-on. All needs seem to be anticipated by the young, attractive staff, who manage to refill your water glass and replace dropped napkins without being asked and without seeming overbearing. Kudeta also boasts a full-service dedicated sushi room, which I have yet to try, and even manages to transform itself into a late-night nibble spot for post-nightclub revelers, with limited kitchen service until one A.M.

Fine dining has finally landed in New Haven, with delicious food at very reasonable prices, top-notch service, and an amazing atmosphere. Get out there and get your Kudeta on, or take a moment to review the website and menu. I promise you will find that one visit is not enough. Other New Haven area restaurants, you're on notice; It's time to step your game up.

Disclosure: Jillian currently performs hostessing duties at Kudeta. My allegiances, however, lay only in having delicious food in my mouth, and not in the restauarant itself. Aside from thinking they have made a damned fine choice in cute hostesses, my opinion is completely unbiased.

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Posted by Malcolm at 05:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(Thanks, John G!)

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Posted by Malcolm at 11:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Without contributing any further to the extensive online arguments about whether or not Nintendo has completely lost its marbles with their new "Wii" console (OMG!!!!!!!1 WTF is a Wii?? Wheres teh REVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1), I did want to draw some attention to the official Wii demo video that was shown at E3 this year.

Having a controller that looks like a remote control is odd on the surface, but you have to admire the leap Nintendo is taking in their positioning. Rather than compete with Microsoft and Sony on a pure polygon-pushing level, Nintendo wants to bring gaming to the casual user...and it thinks that its microphoned, speakered, gyroscopic controller, that always knows its exact position in three dimensional space, is the way to do it. It is a crazy leap, and it may end up becoming one of the most laughable business decisions of the last ten years. But if anyone can do it, Miyamoto can.

So check out the official E3 footage, and be sure to look for glimpses of Super Mario Galaxy, the new Metroid, the new Wario Ware, and the new Zelda. I had my doubts, but after seeing the nearly limitless application of this new controller, I may have to get on board. At least to watch.

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Posted by Malcolm at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

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Posted by Malcolm at 01:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Yikes, what with all the new blogs launching, I almost forgot about my birthday. Now, if I've done the math correctly (it's a weird feeling when you honestly don't know how old you are and have to count upwards from your date of birth on your fingers), I will be 28 on May 25th. And I just wanted to let everyone know, that gifts will be accepted this year. I'll post more pictures on the big day, but for now, please enjoy the picture at left, taken on my birthday last year.

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Posted by Malcolm at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

There are certain products available in the world, that reflect a conscious lifestyle choice. Think about it. Every time you are in the supermarket, you look at the Nutella, and you think about how delicious that creamy hazelnut spread would be on a crusty load of bread. But do you buy it? Of course not. Why? Because then you would be a "person who owns and eats Nutella," which is a lifestyle choice that is far too decadent to even imagine.

Take this logic to its natural limit, and you get the Motorized Cruzin' Cooler, a fully functioning beer cooler that you can ride around on at a brisk 13 miles per hour. Though I have never met the owner of such a device, you can bet that every single person on their customer list is a person you would love to hang out with. Just look at this dude, riding his beer around, shades on, ear-to-ear grin, not a godamned care in the world. He is living the dream. Set your sights on this guy; he is your end goal. Now, go out there and make your life choices accordingly. (Thanks, Urs!)

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Posted by Malcolm at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Peter pulled me by the hand and down the stairs into the chill and forbidding basement. The April afternoon was bright and full of promise, so I clung to his arm, past the rusting conveyer belt, the cigarette butts, the canvas tarps that cover other restaurant mysteries, more than half-expecting CHUD and rodents. Steve has warned us of the pitch dark, and intrigued us with stories of tunnels that lead from the half-demolished coliseum to the center of the old city. We sneak, in our sandals down a ramp - 6.4" Peter has to duck - and peer around corners with our flashlights. Room after room, ew search for something more significant than coffee cups and wood pallets. Jackpot! In a small, dank room, only accessible through a window my width through the drywall, is a wonderland of working class pleasure. The floor is littered with bottles of Night Train and back issues of Field and Stream, and papering the walls are scores of photographs of voluptuous golden vixens. We scan for dates and other evidence. Ungainly hand has scrawled messages across a few of the pin-ups, so cryptic and crude that I cannot reprint them here. Peter and I gasp, as any libidinous archeologists might, and then back away, as from the blinding glare of the seven cities. Retracing our steps, past the shelves of dusty wine, and rooms as yet unexplored, we run up the stairs and into the relative warmth of Kudeta, giggling and vowing to return to our site tomorrow.

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Posted by Jillian at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ah, Silicon Alley circa 2000. Bright orange walls, all steel desktops, 5th Avenue addresses. Energy, excitement, pizza Fridays. Belief in your online property, Nielsen NetRatings reports, lurking angel investors. Amazon coffee mugs, WebVan squishies, and Pets.com stuffed animals. Hey, all of the old idealism and optimism may be gone, but you can re-live your dotcom glory days with ValleySchwag. And the emergence of Web 2.0 means better schwag than ever!

For only $14.95 a month, ValleySchwag will solve your lack-of-desk-clutter problem with monthly shipments of piping-hot schwag, from killer 2.0 companies like Technorati, Laughing Squid, and Flickr, as well as amazing "Fair Use Has a Posse" bumper stickers from the EFF. So if the exile to your home office working as a "consultant" following the 2002 shakeout has left a gaping schwag-hole in your life, get over there and subscribe. I did. Because everyone knows the Valley always had the best schwag, anyway.

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Posted by Malcolm at 02:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just wrote my first blog entry in many months, and I assure you it was hilarious, but none of you will ever read it. Dropped in no longer upholds free speech as one of the most basic rights in American society. I have been stifled, suppressed, silenced. My partner would not have you see the truth, in all its carnal, undignified glory. I believe he is a puppet for an entity more powerful than himself. This is bullshit. I am incensed. The disclosive populism, upon which this site was founded has been replaced by nepotism, jingoism, and the plain jism. ha. let's just see if that one slips past the watchful eye of our very own Big Brother. this post will probably get lost in "cyber space" before it has a chance to be read, its message lifting the people out of their complacency and getting their voices heard. In fact, I've probably already been purged, exiled, executed, broken into submission. blacklisted, blackballed, player-hated, witch hunted, fcked by the fcc, the fbi and the imdb. It has been my pleasure, nay my honor, to speak my truth in this forum. I used to be a sexy pirate. now I'm just a patsy. Talk Hard.

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Posted by Jillian at 05:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Happy May everybody! We are officially retiring the "DIY: Build It, Make It" category. But don't despair! The closure of this section of the site allows us to blow all of that content into an entirely new blog, which we are calling, "Geek It Yourself." This new DIY weblog specializes in high tech projects, interviews, and backyard science, and should be a lot of fun. We will start off by moving all the posts from the current "DIY" category over there, to get things rolling. Check it out, and be sure to read the official first post/manifesto. Enjoy!

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Posted by Malcolm at 11:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)