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“The Girls Next Door”

HefWhen you first watch “The Girls Next Door” on E!, the show documenting the life and times of Playboy genius Hugh Hefner and his life with, like eight Playmates, all of whom share the title of “girlfriend,” you’re kind of envious. “God damn,” you may be thinking to yourself, “I hope when I’m 80 I have a gang of platinum blonde, fake-titted, fake-tanned chicks spilling all over me.” But watch this show a little bit longer, and you will see that you are wrong. Sure, his fortune is good…until you listen to one of these girls start babbling their stupid commentary on everyday life. “What does the ‘dill’ in ‘dill pickle’ mean?” And then you start to realize…though Hef is living some kind of male fantasy on the surface, his biggest punishment for a life of sin seems to be…paying attention to these broads and pretending that they’re not retarded. When I get to be that age? Pffffff. It’s all train sets and silk pajamas. I guess he got that part right.

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