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Debunking Some Myths Regarding the Marriage of Malcolm and Jillian

MJMyth #1: We are having a steel drum band play only Genesis songs at our reception.
TRUE! You guys are gonna rock your faces off to Hasta Yo Rasta’s version of Su-Su-Sussudio.

Myth #2: The marriage won’t be legal because Jillian is still “technically” married to an Indonesian businessman.
FALSE! Jillian and Ahkong were never really married, as Javanese law states that a marriage must be consummated with the birth of a son. Phew!

Myth #3: Rather than Jillian taking Malcolm’s name or hyphenating her maiden name, or whatever they will both adopt the name John Wilkes Booth.
TRUE! 1) It’s 3 words instead of just 1; 2) It is a name people recognize, and it commands respect; and 3) Malcolm thinks, coincidentally, this is the name of the guy who invented cereal. And that’s something we both support.

Myth #4: In lieu of exchanging rings, we are going to be tattooed with the words Best and Friends in script on our respective left ankles.
FALSE! That is cheesy! But we are going to slash open our palms and press hands together, effectively becoming blood brothers.

Myth #5: The officiate is going to be Captain Jean-Luc Picard, of the USS Enterprise.
FALSE! UNFORTUNATELY!!!

Myth #6: Malcolm is a manatee.
WELL… yes and no. Funny story, see about a year before Malcolm was born his parents moved to the Florida Keys. And this was right after the government declared manatees an endangered species…yadda, yadda, yadda…you get the idea. Let me just say, Malcolm’s in a good place with it now; he has it pretty well managed. And we have agreed to not raise the kids manatee.

Myth #7: You are invited.
FALSE! You are all dummies. And we only want celebrities at our wedding. And, like monarchs. Yeah.

Myth #8: We are, in fact, getting married.
TRUE! Get excited, ‘cause we are.

There Are 9 Responses So Far. »

  1. But when are you getting married???? Does Malcolm need to stay submerged in water for a certain amount of time each day?

  2. I am not at liberty to say. And, ideally yes, for at least 2.5 hours, but if we are out all day a liberal spritzing will suffice.

  3. I’m crashing, and I’m bringing cream puffs from Canter’s.

  4. dates!! i need dates!!

  5. Hopefully we will be invited – Your uncle Gerald is already practicing his spanish.
    And we love tequila

  6. Who’s the photographer?

  7. I heard Jillian would change her name to Jillcolm… and Malcolm would become Malcian.

  8. Adam, we don’t have one yet. Interested in the gig?

  9. Hell yeah, I’m in!

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