Contributors

Name:Jillian
DOB: 11/06/78 Occupation: Dilettante
Beverage: Anything Bubbly
Turn Ons: Vespas, Bullfighting, Decadence, True Romance
Turn Offs: Chicken Omlettes, Fetus in Fetu, 9-5, Velvet
Hobbies Smugness, NIA, Wearing Boots, Looking & Thinking

Name: Malcolm
DOB: 05/25/78
Occupation: Designer
Food: Beef
Beverage: Maudite
Measurements: 36-24-36
Turn Ons: Coney Island, dive bars, XTREME tubing, graphic design, other people's dogs, stupid hats, strategy games, peachcake, pixel art, knife fights
Turn Offs: Leaving the house, driving cars, my own smoking, strangers

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April 30, 2007

Idiot in Spanish: I am Jillian´s Mexican Interface

The old machine finally stopped. The Dell laptop I had been using for months processed its last, and we faced the challenge of buying a new computer in Merida. One problem with consumerism in general and tech shopping in particular here is that, 1) there aren´t as many options as we are used to and 2) it isn´t so obvious where to go for what you need. In one of our first impression articles Malcolm observed that stores are more demure here, and not the bodacious whores they are in the States. We cheered for small business and inconspicuous consumption. But that was before, when we were mere tourists. Now we have needs, goddamit, we are very important and we demand answers!

Another minor complaint is that stores are either super specialized, as in they sell only printer cartridge refills (or chickens) or they are an experience in escalators and chandeliers, department stores in the gracious old style where you can get everything from Belgian beer (more on this phenomenon later) to a Ducati motorcycle to a wild blue painted real live parrot. At Liverpool, the grande dame of Merida´s shopping scene, the customer is served by career salespersons who wear suits and wrap everything up in pretty pink striped bags. This is all very charming, but we just want to get back to the beach. It´s hot in town, not to mention distracting when you can´t find what you need but a whole lot of cool shiny pretty things that you really really want.

It was either hours or days later when we settled on an HP laptop from Costco. We had talked oursleves into and out of ordering from the States, waiting until my trip next month, and giving up altogether and reverting to my fairly recent habit of writing longhand. (I wonder how many other Luddites have been coverted by love?) Malcolm decided and stopped the debate. The price was good, it´s all tricked out with Windows Vista, and um...I like that it´s opalescent white with rounded edges and a good clickety key sound.

Speaking of flashbacks and regression, our card was rejected at the register. We knew the money was there, making it all the more frustrating and only a touch less embarrassing to be declined. Of course when we got home, computerless and dejected, we had a message from the bank notifying us that our account had been flagged for attempted big spending in Mexico. Thanks, BoA, way to have our back when we don´t at all need it. Note to self and to financial institution regarding living, working and spending abroad, ATMs and online banking: things are not always what they seem, say the technomads.

Next day, fresh faced, wallet bulging with pesos, we succeed in paying for my new machine. We were very content until we got her home and noticed the keyboard. Why had we not looked more closely or anticipated a Spanish language layout? It is not because we are entitled, self important imperialists, I assure you. I think it´s cool, acutally. I can do this: ¡ and this:¿ and even this:ñ. But I can´t find the apostrophe without a search and I will give 50 bucks to the person who shows me the hyphen. These are important symbols, people! Without typographical trickery and visual wit my writing shows its weakness. The other concern is that this Vista, which Malcolm was all gaga over and apparently was supposed to be able to convert into any language in fact does not. I can figure out that Guardar is Save and Bold is N for negro, but ¿what is the word for Italic (K)? Will we have time to return it within our 7 day window? Will I ever stopping hitting the bloq mayus KEY?

The answers to these and other tepid questions in our next update...

April 28, 2007

Let There Be Light

While Malcolm the Elder and Malcolm the Younger are manning it up installing electricity in the Chelem house I, left alone, am working on a small restoration project of my own.

We inherited a great many things with our somewhat decaying beach casita. Among them an inflatable boat, 3 used toothbrushes, two Adirondack chairs, a glittery baton, mismatched dishes, some old ketchup in an old dirty fridge, a step ladder, a creationism tract, and assorted pieces of trash. Mari and Marcelo were happy to take most of the stuff off our hands including the boat (sorry Mac) but not the chairs which when repainted will be great. I happened to find one small treasure when I was peering behind curtains and sneaking around corners, hoping to not startle anything organic we may have inadvertently acquired. An antique gas lamp was collecting dust in the bedroom and seemed like it should be salvaged. Here it is a bright, hot Saturday and I am ready to restore a once beautiful object.

I thought it best to apply toothpaste to the frosted glass shade and ornate base with a brush. Martha Stewart and Real Simple and PBS and that crafty guy on Oprah are always wowing audiences with the surprising! simple solution you already have in your home for cleaning and polishing some old crap your grandma gave you or whatever. Based on this purely speculative and possibly made up household tip I dipped into the Colgate Maximum Protection with Calcium and Floride. I admit I did half expect a fat, reluctant djinn or some other wish-granting entity to appear in my bathroom. But you know that didn't happen because I would be flying around on my magic carpet wearing my golden shoes and wishing for a million more wishes had that actually come to pass. I proceeded reverently, wishing as I worked for our good health and good fortune in our new home. I rinsed off the minty goo and set it on the table to admire my handiwork. It is a darling little lamp, Baroque red yet unassuming, like something from the well-appointed sitting room of dear Belle Watling. I am happy to have a piece of the house's history. I think it will look nicely juxtaposed in the same room as our new industrial chocolate ceiling fans lazily spinning overhead. Our house will have light. (I would also really like running water and a window). But first things first, right?


Hi Dad! (I'm doing that Carol Burnett earlobe pulling thing) .

April 23, 2007

!Lunes Sabroso! Presents: Microwaveable Chicharrones

It's been a long time since the last Lunes Sabroso, so we had to re-introduce the feature with a bang...or in this case, a pop. Microwaveable chicharrones de cerdo (pork rinds, essentially) are as commonly available as microwave popcorn, here...but for some reason, I still haven't felt compelled to put the bag in the microwave. So this week, we are letting my dad, Mac, do the eating and guest-author this edition, from his isolation booth in Telchac Puerto.

My first Captain's job was taking care of a doctor's sailboat in "pre-Cabo" La Paz, Mexico, for six months while he was back in the states. It was there I discovered newly-minted chicharrones at a local pig butchery. There was a huge, cast iron pot over a open fire filled with rendered pork fat and newly harvested pig skins...chicharrones.


I have spent the last forty years looking all over the world for a way to reproduce that taste sensation. I have left a Hansel and Gretel virtual trail of unfinished bags of imitation chicharrones in my wake. The so-called "pork rinds" you find in the States just can't compare.


Now, back living in Mexico again, I have found another thing Mexico does better than anyone: Microwaveable chicharrones. Yes, they come in a bag much like microwave popcorn, and yes, the bag swells up as they cook (no popping sounds, though). When they are done, you have a bowl of the closest thing to the original La Paz chicharrones I've found anywhere in the world. They crackle and sizzle and taste great! Just be sure to have a cold beer standing by! -Mac

Thanks for the wrapup, Dad...it's good to have a new voice (not to mention a new lab rat for tastings). Re-reading your review has ALMOST prompted me to pop this bag in the microwave...but I'm not sure I'm there yet.

In the meantime, readers, relive !Lunes Sabroso! past with our reviews of Rojitos, Bigotes!, BOMBA Yellow Energy, Bubu Lubu, and SPONCH! See you next time!

April 18, 2007

Idiot in Spanish: Don't Trust the Player?

I found this sentence in my Mexican phrasebook and look forward to the day when I can say with confidence
Quiero un asiento desde donde pueda ver las manos del pianista
which means
I want a seat from which I can see the pianist's hands


April 16, 2007

Here Are Your "Before" Photos

We spent the morning staring at our new house in Chelem, and the time has come to provide some more details on the place. It also seemed like a good idea to take some pre-construction and renovation photos, so you all can follow along with our progress as we work to turn this big, concrete beach-box into the paradise home of our dreams.

Before we dive into the photos, though, it will probably be helpful to see the overall floorplan:

We took more pictures than this entry can handle, so I set up a quick n' dirty web album, with comments on each photo. Go check that out, and we'll meet back here. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Welcome back! Now, here's what happens next, or at least, the way things work out in my imagination:

We are meeting with an architect this week to discuss the project's next steps. We want to be out of our rental in Progreso by June, and it seems like the short, phase-one list should be adding on a new master bedroom, stripping the old kitchen, and building a new one to join the existing bedroom with the rest of the house. That gets it move-in ready, and then we can polish and landscape as we feel like it.

Phase two? Demolish caretaker's cottage, reconstruct in back right corner of lot, place swimming pool between front and back house. Finally, phase three will be the addition of a second story, with new terraces for days. Of course, that is all going to be "next year" stuff.

Can phase one really be completed in less than eight weeks? In Mexico? Time will tell, and we'll be sure to keep you in the loop.

April 15, 2007

The House at the Edge of the World

April 12, 2007

Telecommunicating When You've Dropped In.

SkypeSkype Skype Skype. I've drug my heels long enough, thus far much more interested in the Swedish mavericks who started the company than the technology itself. The magicians who changed the world of file sharing with Kazaa, then turned telephony on its ear with Skype, and now will be revolutionizing television with Joost. I just never really had much interest in the application itself, until I used it.

Full-screen, smooth video (which allegedly works even on dialup). Free calls from anywhere to anywhere, no headset required (though you may have to adjust your speaker/microphone levels carefully to avoid feedback). Just this morning, I completed my first ever call from here in Progreso to my dad in Telchac Puerto, and it worked like a dream. And using SkypeOut, I can make dirt cheap calls to the States (though my Vonage line is already handling that job admirably).

Like any truly great software product, it just works. So I thought, hey, why not try and pump it to my friends, family, and readers, in an effort to communicate better and more clearly? You've already heard all about it. Why not try giving Skype a download, and giving me a call? My Skype name is: dropped.in (don't forget the dot). Look forward to talking to you!

April 11, 2007

April is the Hottest Month

Holy crap it's hot. I cannot think of anything more articulate, descriptive or refined to say becaue my brain has turned to hot mush. If I had an egg I would cook it on the pavement; if I had a hydrant I would open it and stand in its mighty hydro force field like so many urban children; If I had a pool I would be all "Marco!" and you would be all "Polo!". Alas, we have no egg , alack, we have no pool. We have to work and wear pants and suffer. Poor us, cruel Yucatan!

April 06, 2007

Boston's: Merida as Jillian's: Boston *

An exhile afternoon at the mall (Gran Plaza) should have led us directly to a good time sports meal at Boston's, the games pizza fun stop for families and friends. I foolishly drove all the way down the Prolongacion to the Glorietta of Fakey Ruins where we spun around and hauled ass back, past the Burger King Glorietta to the home base of Michael Jordan memorabilia, the endzone of cheesy bread sticks, the three point line of blue adult beverages. I'm saying we went back to Boston's.

Malcolm's stoplight Coco Snap had not sated his thirst/hunger and we knew we needed to carb up before diving into the Departments of Delight that is Liverpool. We have been to Boston's before, again after a trip to the mall; they just make sense together. Don't pity or mock us, we went in with our eyes open. This time to the other side...

Okay, there isn't anything dark or mysterious about the bar part of Boston's. It was early in the evening, which was one of the reaons why we had landed there, and a few families were enjoying a night out. We decided that it feels more like Anywhere, USA than even one of the American chain restaurants, with its team jersies, iconic photos and oversized booths. I wondered why they advertise "Pasta Tuesday" written just like that in English, and Malcolm suggested that it is too nonsensical to translate, but as a meaningless Americanism, you know what you're going to get (what you're getting, by the way, is a choose-your-own-adventure of noodle and sauce options.)

The chalk written sign above the bar says to ask about their pitchers (jarras) of beer. We chose a dark (obscura) XX which Malcolm offset by making his a chelada. We ordered banderillas de pan fresca (garlic bread twists) to start. In a place like this, you know you're there for the apps. Yeah, I said it. It's tacky, but it's totally true.

It is important to know when to go to Boston's and why. If you like loud, sticky children and Chicago-style saucy pizza, go on any Saturday afternoon. I do not happen to care for those things (being not yet married and a New Haven girl at heart) so for me a greek salad was a better choice. Malcolm did not order the Mama Meata Calzone, as I had hoped, but was pleased with his choice of a chicken and ricotta stuffed bread, made better by the bolognese dipping pot. My salad included kalamata olives and a feta-ish cheese served over crisp vegetables. We were tempted to end the epic meal with cheese cake wraps or a millionaire margarita (made with Don Julio Reposado) but opted instead to roll ouselves over to the game room for some video arcade racing action.

Everything was just as we had anticipated: filling, silly, and fine. Exactly what the body and spirit require in the wake of an afternoon lost in the consumer labyrinth of Gran Plaza mall. If you live here and are feeling nostalgic for there, go to Boston's and have a sundae as big as your ass. If you finish it, it's on the house.**

* This is not a recommended analogy for your SAT prep
** The only lie of commission in this entire article

Links:
Bostons
Jillians

April 05, 2007

Get Your Feet Wet With Christ

Celebrate Maundy Thursday by :

Washing someone's feet. (Be sure and ask his or her permission in advance, as it can otherwise be awkward).
Giving coins to the elderly or children. 'Cause those dudes never have their own loot.
Reading from The Inferno, the first book of D.A.'s Commedia Divina - Hell has never been so hilarious!

April 03, 2007

Are There Scorpions in the Yucatan?

When we first moved here, we asked this question to most of the people we met. "Oh, sure, " they would say," they definitely have them...but we've seen maybe two in our lives." When my dad moved here to Telchac Puerto, he reported seeing a couple of tiny ones outside. So we thought, fine, tiny ones you can deal with, and we've STILL never seen one outside of a pet store in Gran Plaza.

But then, not five minutes ago, this big mamma jamma right here came strolling into our carport:

All that really comes to mind is, "holy loving christ." Now, for scale, here he is post-mortem next to a one peso piece, which is a little smaller than a US nickle:.

Jillian is huddling on the couch, mumbling her own name over and over in an effort to comfort herself. All I know for certain is, I would really, really, REALLY like to avoid being stung by one of these, pretty much for the rest of my life. That can be a standing request.

April 02, 2007

The Pay's the Thing



Chelem


has


the


market


cornered


on


coconut confections