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I´ll Never

I am not currently drinking but feel free to grab a coctail if you want to play along at home.

  • Be a twin and marry a twin and live next door to my sister and both-ways-brother-in-law in matching houses
  • Be a real ballerina and dance outdoors onstage in Saratoga where I saw my first Sleeping Beauty and very possibly get deafening Bravas of adulation for my incredibly prolonged forte/piroutte series
  • Embark upon a lengthy and very filthy affair with Christian Bale (he is both Batman and Laurie??!)
  • Be the headmistress at a New England Ladies College of Some Importance where I will be both beloved and revered for my forewarned thinking mind and unconventional beauty
  • Go to space and hang out there for awhile (real black matter deep space not that Virgin Galactic shit, although, admittedly, that is also cool and I will grudgingly accept it as a substituation)
  • Own a Birkin Bag (but you could feel free to send maybe like a dollar to help get me started. I have a Paypal account)
  • Discover that I was switched at birth with a girl who though not my twin looks strikingly similar to me has been, for the past 18 or so years, acting as the princess of a small obscure European country and in light of this revelation and since their monarchy is nothing if not just it will be determined that we both will reign jointly enjoying all power and privileges and will of course become the dearest of friends and swap clothes at least one time much to the consternation of her minions because she is so taken with my American causual and I absolutely must know how I look in a diadem and haute couture
  • Be a very idealistic young aid worker someplace resembling but not actually Africa where I discover truths about the interconnectdness of all people and also wear lots of sweat stained but still flattering gray t-shirts and khaki shorts
  • Be able to knit. It´s just confusing.
  • Have a monkey. Malcolm is firm on this one.

I know, I know, you should never say never, but I really must resign myself that (most of) these will never happen, since I am almost 30 and very happily married.

There Are 6 Responses So Far. »

  1. I don’t think you should give up on the monkey yet.

  2. I agree with Paul. It’s too soon to give up. I really think Malcolm will deliver on the monkey and I’m pretty sure your gray t-shirts and khaki shorts are still flattering. Sometimes we replace old dreams with newer ones. I’d like to hear about those sometime.

  3. I am with Malcolm on this one. NO monkeys, the idea of monkeys is probably much better than the reality. Maybe he can just take you to the monkey sanctuary that Life’s Beach wrote about?
    regards,
    Theresa

  4. Is it possible to just rent monkeys in Mexico? By the day or week? They come to your casa, fling poo and you pay double to have them taken back.

  5. LOL, yeah, like a primate “Ransom of Red Chief”, oh, I guess Red Chief was a primate…..(this is me, slinking off)….

  6. Well, if you are ever down Chuburna way, the Maya Circus is camped out in the square. Do not, I mean do Not approach the monkeys!!!! I only say this because I had an uncontrollable urge to do this, and actually got a monkey to hold my hand which was soon followed by frantic screaming and yelling from the circus trailer as the proprietors came out and scolded me and kicked me off the square…technically, isn’t that a public space? The monkeys were totally cool, no biting, like I say, the little guy was holding my hand. Anyhow, I still secretly dream of sneaking over there and freeing up the monkeys!!!! Husband is not so wild about the idea, can’t imagine why? I tell him, oh, you know I’m just kidding….I wouldn’t ever really do it….unless of course there were copious amounts of tequila involved….then, we might have a problem!

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