So, this salty type, with eye patch and parrot and all, walks in to a tavern with a ship’s wheel protruding through his pants, between his legs, right at the crotch. The barkeep inquires about his obviously awkward situation, to which the peg-legged mutherfucker replies: “Argh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

This happens to be the only joke I know.* It consistently makes me giggle, though not so much other people. Perhaps because joke telling is not one of my skills.

Fact: parallel parking is one of my skills.

The above joke-like narrative really demands hearing, in order for the funny to be understood. The teller must employ the accent and appropriately intonated vernacular for the listener to comprehend the double meaning. And therein lies the funny. Everbody loves a pirate voice.

I happen to do an excellent pirate. Other impressions of mine include Mae West and Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn. But, I digress.

Because I’m here today to talk about pirates. I’m sure you’ve all read about the cruise ship that was attacked by Somalian pirates.

…to be continued

* I remembered that I also know “The Aristocrats”, because we recently saw the super funny film at the Criterion. I really would like to try and tell it, but it is too blue for our blog, and I believe also requires oral delivery.