Myth #1: We are having a steel drum band play only Genesis songs at our reception.
TRUE! You guys are gonna rock your faces off to Hasta Yo Rasta’s version of Su-Su-Sussudio.

Myth #2: The marriage won’t be legal because Jillian is still “technically” married to an Indonesian businessman.
FALSE! Jillian and Ahkong were never really married, as Javanese law states that a marriage must be consummated with the birth of a son. Phew!

Myth #3: Rather than Jillian taking Malcolm’s name or hyphenating her maiden name, or whatever they will both adopt the name John Wilkes Booth.
TRUE! 1) It’s 3 words instead of just 1; 2) It is a name people recognize, and it commands respect; and 3) Malcolm thinks, coincidentally, this is the name of the guy who invented cereal. And that’s something we both support.

Myth #4: In lieu of exchanging rings, we are going to be tattooed with the words Best and Friends in script on our respective left ankles.
FALSE! That is cheesy! But we are going to slash open our palms and press hands together, effectively becoming blood brothers.

Myth #5: The officiate is going to be Captain Jean-Luc Picard, of the USS Enterprise.
FALSE! UNFORTUNATELY!!!

Myth #6: Malcolm is a manatee.
WELL… yes and no. Funny story, see about a year before Malcolm was born his parents moved to the Florida Keys. And this was right after the government declared manatees an endangered species…yadda, yadda, yadda…you get the idea. Let me just say, Malcolm’s in a good place with it now; he has it pretty well managed. And we have agreed to not raise the kids manatee.

Myth #7: You are invited.
FALSE! You are all dummies. And we only want celebrities at our wedding. And, like monarchs. Yeah.

Myth #8: We are, in fact, getting married.
TRUE! Get excited, ‘cause we are.